Smear Fear...

I am 25; a month or so before my 25th Birthday I received a letter. No, it wasn't my Hogwarts acceptance letter (much to my dismay)...it was a letter to "invite" me to have my first cervical screening. Yes, the post you're about to read is all about my first smear test #yourewelcome

Firstly, I just want to say how important cervix screening is, so if you've had your letter and haven't done anything about it - blady do it! Just to let you know, I didn't enjoy my experience, but that doesn't mean that I won't be going back when I'm called again! I don't want it to put you off if you haven't been. So I won't hold it against you if you stop reading here, however, if you think it will help to hear my ridiculousness, then feel free to keep on reading!

Seeing as it was my first ever one, I was pretty apprehensive. My brain can be my worst enemy; I'm really bad for over thinking things, so this was my initial thought; "oh God, I'm going to have to lay on a bed, legs akimbo with nothing protecting my modesty whilst a lady I've never met before prods my lady area with a device that would look more at home in a torture chamber". I honestly don't know what I was more worried about, the absolute nakedness of my vagina in front of a stranger or the prodding of it, by said stranger! So you've probably guessed by now that I'm fairly dramatic and I also think my pain threshold isn't that great, which probably doesn't help when recalling this story! Ok, it's time; let me walk you through my first cervical screening.

As I drove from my house to the doctors I had that horrible nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach, I kept thinking about what I was about to endure, over and over again. I was trying to tell myself to stop being so ridiculous! Then another thought came to me, a thought that had never occurred to me before; the poor nurse! Here I was worrying about a stranger seeing my foof, it didn't even cross my mind to think of the poor nurse who must have seen hundreds of strange vaginas in her time. To be honest, that helped ease some of the nerves. Surely she won't remember my foof, in a sea of other foofs?! Before I even knew it, I was in the doctors' car park. I took a deep breath, left the safety of my car, checked in and waited to be called.

After we'd gone through the "paperwork", the (very lovely) nurse led me back into the room with the bed. As she drew the curtain around me, she said that she could tell me as little or as much as I'd like. The curtain was closed all the way and I was left to take off my bottoms whilst contemplating how much I'd like to know about my impending, invasive vaginal screening. I laid on the bed, while the nurse came round and gave me a "modesty blanket", which made me feel a touch better, but as it wasn't a pair of knickers with a hole in the middle, it didn't make me feel completely relaxed. Anywho, she then lifted a device off of the table next to me and said something like "this is what we use...", I didn't let her finish before I replied "Oop, that's enough for me thank you. I'll just close my eyes". Honestly, I've already blocked what the device looked like from my mind.

I was laying on the bed, naked from the waist down (except for my modest blanket, obvi), eyes closed, fists pressed into my sockets attempting to banish my mind to a far away kingdom of rainbows and smiles. The nurse informed me that it shouldn't be too bad when it was inserted but may feel a little uncomfortable when it was opened. I was asked to put my heels together and then let my knees drop to the sides. She inserted the device and it wasn't actually that bad, it felt a bit weird but nothing out of the ordinary. It wasn't until she started to move it around trying to locate my cervix that it started to become quite uncomfortable. When she pulled it out (lol), I was like "Woohoo! I'm done!"... Apparently not! She was having trouble locating my cervix because apparently, it's quite high! She asked me to put my hands under my bum, heels together, knees dropping again and the device was back in business. The nurse asked me to cough and HALLELUJAH, my cervix was found! Finally, the swap was inserted via the device to take the cells from my cervix, I think that was the worst sensation of the lot! And then I really was done. The nurse and I exchanged a few seconds of pleasantries and then I was free! I was a grownup lady who had just had her first cervical screening and had come out unscathed!

(I wrote this the day after I'd had my cervical screening, but I wanted to make sure I had the results before I posted it. I don't know why I just felt worried about it! Good news; there was no further action required) After splurging my feelings, I think I've let all my pent up emotions out and in actual fact, it wasn't as bad as it felt at the moment! I hope you enjoyed my dramatic recollection of my first cervical screening - but don't let it stop you from having yours done! Yes, it was uncomfortable, but I don't think it was helped by my awkwardness of being naked in front of a stranger or the fact that I have a high cervix! They're very important and it's so worth it in the long run!